June 20, 2008

Being In A Funk....

I had a productive morning. Got a lot done. Then, I talked to my Dad.

Well, Mom went to the doctor. Thanks to Sherry (thank you Sherry) my Dad did go with her. He stayed quiet until the very end and asked two questions that she didn't. I told him today how proud I am of him, and that he is a wonderful husband.

The MRI showed some other spots of concern. Mom will have another biopsy this afternoon. I know it is good that she is in the beginning stages of all of this and that the doctors aren't in a panic. But it's cancer. I hate the "C" word, and I am very mad at it right now.

I know we are blessed, and it could be so much worse. Until I know the plan of action I think I will be in this funk that I can't seem to get out of. I am strong for Mom, laugh, get her mind off of it, hang out. So, really, just doing what we always do. She's my friend. But again, it's cancer. It is an unknown territory whose road I just want to be the hell off of. I want this journey over and done with for her, for us all.

I don't know if this is a road that we will be on for just a short time, or if it will be a really long road. That is what sucks about it. I thank God for the resources we have, for the health that she has, yet it is still scaring the s*** out of me (excuse my french).

Right now, I just don't feel like doing anything. I really just want to go and lay in bed and push the buttons on the remote. I feel guilty because it is a nice temperature out right now, and the girls should be out playing. I have packages to get shipped, swap things to finish, and need to get the rest of my French books wrapped up to go. I don't like to make these amazing artists wait for their books. I just don't feel like doing it right now. I don't feel like doing anything right now.

I know I am blessed and I am so thankful. I am just in a funk! As my Mom always says, this too shall pass. Sorry to be a bummer. I just felt that today I would use my blog for venting.

Love to all and have a great weekend!

Rhonda...

4 comments:

Kathy~Vintage Snaps & Scraps said...

Vent away R, then get your butt up and puch on....lol. I want my book!!!!!!!!!!!! Just a little joke!
I am glad that the news is not any worse, adn I know your scared and mad...I would be too. I can't even image it, one of my biggest fears really.
If you feel like laying in bed and pushing buttons for awhile, do it. Just try to push yourself a bit each time the feeling gets ahold of you. I suffer with anxiety, and some days are not fun, and you know what...funks are ok! I know when that journey began for me...treating it...I was scared and I can remember having to push myself. Just be careful you stay out of that deep,dark place we can go to sometimes. Sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your mom and dad...you all will get thru it! I see your thanks to Sherry...gosh is that lady an inspiration, huh? I LOVE her spirit. You can "feel" it in her words, so I am sure she will be a great help to you.
I wish you well, you know that, I think of you and your mom a lot. And I am so happy you posted an update!
Go push some buttons
Big ~xx~
Kathy

Wanda said...

Aah...the funk...I know it well. :) I'm sorry you are in a funk..it isn't fun. I won't tell you to snap out of it...you need to work through it on your own. Hey, I found something for you at an Estate sale last weekend. It is an odd shape and may take me awhile to find a suitable package for mailing. I was paying and glanced over at another area and ran over and got it. I'm silly. I hope you better and say hi to your Mom for me. That reminds me I need to get a cork board up to hang her tags on.

miss magpie-pixie said...

Hey r...
I think we all need to vent at some point , and if it`s not to your otherhalf- then it`s on here !

Your blog friends are all here for you . .
i know you , and you will be trying to keep her mind off it , but try and keep yourself sane , and try not to worry too much . i know it`s easy to say , but once you get all the facts / results , then you can all go a little further along and you know where you`ll be . I`m praying it is a short journey for you all .

keeping you all in my thoughts

big hug

xx

Sherry/Cherie said...

If you weren't in a funk about this Rhonda, I'd be worried about you. This is "normal" (whatever normal is -- normal has now been redefined for your mother, and the entire family), and you need to be feeling the things you are feeling. And know this -- it is also okay to show your mother some of these feelings. It is okay to let her know that you are upset about this and angry about this -- as much as the support you give her. From here on -- everything must be "real" and "honest" -- it's simply vital to all of you.

Once things are settling a bit, it is important that information be gathered from the doctor or the hospital about counselling -- for all of you. You may or may not take advantage of that but it is important to know the resources are there if you feel they will benefit you. This is true of your daughters as well. Children understand far more about these things than we give them credit for.

I am so pleased that your dad went yesterday and that he controlled his natural inclination. It shows what I suspected -- he wants to protect your mother, he is who he is and in wanting to do the "right" thing he is prepared to listen and follow appropriately.

I'll be in touch ♥